tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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