Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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