haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
BRING THE BAGELS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
