Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
