So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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