I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
