Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
