I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
