today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
