I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
