She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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