Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
