mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
