That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
