yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
