Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
