remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
