ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
