If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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