Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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