In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
