At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
