what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
