I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
