im holly from the hills drunk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
