wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
