Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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