If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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