Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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