When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
