I looked at my own cervix.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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