Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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