I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
