I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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