watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
