super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
