This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
