On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Boobs speak an international language.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
