two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
