I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
