gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
