Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
