Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
