is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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