Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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