i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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