My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
