Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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