how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
