I wannas sexs uuuuu
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
