do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
